It’s the second episode of The Real Housewives of Dallas, and already the 's–t' (to borrow one of the stars' favorite terms in the episode) is hitting the fan, or should we say … the hat! The Monday, April 18, episode was full of poop jokes (much like last week's series premiere), teen pregnancy, more poop jokes (seriously) and — most importantly — a lot of ridiculous-looking hats.
Brandi Teaches a Child How To Flip Her Hair, Shake Her Moneymaker
The episode started off with Brandi Redmond going over to Marie Reyes’ house to apologize for the way the No Tie Dinner ended. She made up for undermining the entire event by showing Marie’s daughter a few of her Dallas Cowboys cheerleading moves. After flipping her hair and shaking her booty with the child, Brandi asked, “Is that too naughty for her?”
Cary Deuber Has It All and Knows It
We then moved on to yet another glimpse at Cary Deuber’s seemingly perfect life. The registered nurse said, “I have a husband who cooks, I have a wonderful nanny, I have an amazing career — I totally live the dream.” Her 3-year-old daughter is learning Swiss German, French and Spanish, so the woman must be doing something right.
Brandi’s Mom Had Her When She Was 16
LeeAnne’s humble roots — she was a carny child, as you'll recall — might have some competition. Brandi revealed that her mother got pregnant with her first child at 15, and then had Brandi the very next year. The ex-cheerleader spoke so sweetly of her mom and what she went through to raise the family that it almost eclipsed Brandi repeatedly saying her mother’s birthday cake was a “poop pie.”
Earlier, when Brandi was baking the chocolate cake with her daughters, she joked about it looking like “poop” so many times that one of her kids said what we were all thinking: “That’s not funny, Mommy.” This would not be the last of her comedic poop material in this episode … by far.
Tiffany’s Husband Aaron Might Not Be in Love With Dallas
While Dallas native Tiffany Hendra may be eager to settle down and buy a home in Dallas, her Aussie rocker husband, Aaron Hendra, may not be so smitten. After scoping out a huge modern house that had Tiffany gushing, the singer-songwriter said, “I don’t know if I like Dallas that much.” Uh-oh.
The Poop Hat
Finally, it was time for the biggest event in the Dallas charity scene: The Mad Hatters Luncheon to benefit the Dallas Arboretum. As LeeAnne got ready for the event, she asked her cop boyfriend, Rich Emberlin, if her outfit had too many pearls. In stark contrast, Brandi boldly showed up to Stephanie’s house in a hat adorned with pieces of fake poop. Yup.
Brandi defended her choice of fecal headwear, saying, “People do not care as long as you are donating money, and Brian and I donate a lot.” But some people did care. Some people named LeeAnne Locken.
Hatters Gonna Hat
Brandi showed up to the event in the infamous poop hat and instantly got a lot of attention for her elaborate accessory. Stephanie remarked, “I love that everyone is complimenting Brandi’s hat. Obviously, they don’t realize that it’s made of poop.” Cary commented, “You look good in s–t. You’re rocking it.”
LeeAnne, on the other hand, was not having it. The woman who bootstrapped herself out of the carnival and into the world of Dallas philanthropy said, “This event is a treasured event in this city … Brandi’s hat, she might as well have just walked up to every woman at this event and went, ‘Bitch-slap, I’m here.’”
The Classic “Turd on a Chair” Prank — Gets ‘Em Every Time!
After LeeAnne was fuming about the mockery of her very serious hat event, Cary got the bright idea to take one of Brandi’s fake turds and put it on LeeAnne’s chair. When LeeAnne saw the piece of fake plastic poop, she didn’t laugh. She also didn’t get outwardly angry, telling the camera, “Look, I grew up on the carnival, and I see people real clear. I know exactly what she’s trying to do to bait me into a confrontation, and it’s not gonna happen.”
The Carny Queen decided to avoid confrontation and go straight for a power move, tattling to her well-connected friend, Steve Kimble, about Brandi’s hat. The episode closed with LeeAnne telling the camera venomously, “Crossing the wrong people in society gets you crossed off the list.” Could Brandi's status be circling the drain?
Tell Us: Did Brandi cross the line with her hat? And should LeeAnne have confronted Brandi to her face about it?
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs on Bravo Mondays at 10 p.m. ET.